Laughing All The Way

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

That’s A Baby For Real

Friday morning I left the relative safety of my little corner of the world and ventured into the swamp that is Houston in the summer time. I was met at the airport by Natalie and we immediately determined that the only way to conduct business was if we were entirely intoxicated for the next 48 hours. Even when we weren’t officially intoxicated, I am sure we could have passed as such. Seriously, it was bad. For example, on the way from the airport to Nat’s place we stopped at a store to pick up a birthday gift. I am in the market for a vintage silver handbag to match a black dress. Nat and I combed the store for handbags and I found the perfect bag in a bronze finish. I showed it to Nat and said, “This is what I want, but in silver.” We continue to search, and low, I find the bag in silver. I am ecstatic, my search has ended and because the bag is so affordable, I end up buying both the silver and bronze bags. Too bad when I returned to California and take the bags out I realize I have a bronze bag and a GOLD bag. (What the fuck? I think it was the lighting, but now I own a bronze bag, TWO gold bags, and no silver bags. I think I might just try to find gold shoes that don’t make me look too hooker-esque and call it a day.)

So, yeah, we hadn’t even had a drink yet. So I don’t know what happened there.

There was a party for Brenda, Abe’s friend, so we did the thing where we change clothes and get our drink on. The party was at a restaurant where Brenda worked and thus half our meal (including alcohol) was comped. Natalie and I, not knowing that the alcohol was comped, made it our business to be sure that the alcohol would total a sum that would even out the comp of the meal. That’s right, we drank $55 worth of vodka, only to find out our plan was thwarted. (I like to talk like we PLANNED to drink that much). We were happy that our sober driver home drove us home, at which time we partook of milk and cookies and went to bed like well heeled young women.

Of course, as we are well heeled young women, we were up early and greeting the world with bright, shiny smiles. Again, milk and cookies were on the menu, then lunch, and a trip to target. I took the opportunity to intro Nat to the perfection that is the Swiffer. And thusly, Nat’s life is changed! Really. I did the living room, she took the kitchen and her house is a quick windex away from being the “Cleanest House in Houston.” That comes with a cash prize, so, you know, I’m doing what I can. Also, you should know that I think at this point the television had been on since I had first arrived and wouldn’t be shut off for another 24 hours.

After a mad rush of cleaning we made our way with Atizz to the Pride Parade in Houston. It was um…interesting. There were people and they were doing the thing and then there was a thing and then stuff happened. I think I will Nat and Amy cover Pride. BUT! But, but, but! We went to dinner after at some place and we were ordering drinks. I ordered what should have been a simple replacement (pineapple juice instead of cranberry juice). In fact I ordered two of these drinks. These drinks were marked at $8. What they were not marked as were “as is.” What this means is that when the bill came, the $8 drinks came to about $16 each. At that point I was drunk enough to not care too much, but I think that the waitress who failed to say, “we don’t do replacements for these drinks” should have offered to pay the extra $16 if the restaurant was not willing to comp the cost. And, I know that if this had happened to Amy or Nat they would have raised hell, and I probably should have, but then I am so use to going out and paying for a $15 martini in the city. I figure if the price had been listed as $16, I still would have ordered the drinks so I’m over it all.

There was a thing about the dinner that needed its own explanation. We had the pleasure of having dinner with Penelope. The person had a one up story for everything anyone else said. I don’t think it triggered until almost the end of the dinner, when they were telling yet another story about how their family was the best ever because of something whateverish, and I was about to say something in response, because, my family is pretty cool too, right? Instead I grabbed Nat’s knee. I’m sure a knowing look passed between us, but as this was the end of dinner, we were pretty tanked so I can’t really be held accountable for my version of events. Anyhoo, there was lots of laughter, and I am sure that between Nat and I we made some statements with a questionable basis in reality, but we are funny and we make people laugh, so that works. And After, we managed to find our way down the street to a club wherein more alcohol was consumed.

This is where things are a little fuzzy. I “borrowed” a Vicodin from someone and the combination of a mild pain reliever with alcohol with all the milk and cookies previously imbibed makes things kind of spin. I do remember Atizz forcing me to do a shot of Citron that really fucked me up. And that was when the bell rang. Nat and I “fell asleep” on the couch in various propped positions to alleviate the spinning. Nat managed to find her way to the bedroom but I was still pretty legless so I enjoyed the many comforts of couch sleeping.

Some other stuff happened and then Sarah came over for “brunch” (I don’t know why I am always making plans for brunch when I know the collective asses of my friends and myself are never going to eat before brunch ends). We found our way through some more milk and cookies, and then left for a meal of somewhat epic proportions, followed by, um, more food. God. We nestled in for some TV watching and collective snarking, because in this life, if the four of us are going to be in one place, you better bring your game. Eventually the time came to return to the airport and make my way back to the place where I lay my head.

My flight home went well. I enjoyed some more vodka and greatly impressed Bruce with my quality of life ( “How can you still be drunk?” ). So, okay, that was most of the dirt.