Laughing All The Way

Friday, June 02, 2006

More Walking, less bleeding: How Bruce became my almost-boyfriend

After several months of listening to my grievances regarding some [fuckhead] boy and other sundry bad dates, I realized that Bruce was something of a thing (I believe oft referred to as potential). Bruce was a Good Guy. Before you mock me and laugh at the idea that the mythological Good Guy truly exists, trust me, Good Guy status will be irrefutably proven shortly.

So the months role on and I finally have the moment of clarity when I jump from my bed and run down the streets crying “Eureka!” I hemmed and hawed and listened to advice from her. Eventually I wrote Bruce a thinly veiled email. Bruce’s first response was…I’m busy. His second one was…don’t trust anything/anyone on the Internet. I responded rather coolly and received a concerned email back from Bruce asking if I was offended by something. I dug down deep into my bag of tricks and lied. I told him that I was just having a bad day and that my emotions had nothing to do with a stranger that I met on the Internet who I clearly couldn’t trust. I verbally bitch slapped Bruce.

Bruce, finally wise enough to see the error in his ways, replied with an apology for being terribly obtuse. He also laid out a three point ordered list as to what he thought was going on and why he thought it was terribly unwise to continue (needless to say, that email will live on in infamy for being totally wrong and will be the cornerstone of every time I want to be right).

Thusly began the endless hours of phone calls. Bruce and I are now on the same cell phone service because of a shockingly high phone bill ($198.17). Over the first month Bruce and I discussed the realities of our relationship. Someone is going to have to move for this to work and by someone, I mean me. Plans (big and small) slowly were made and I was booked on a flight to (a destination to be later named).

Bruce quickly earned the title of almost-boyfriend and he carried that moniker like a hair-shirt. He disliked the connotations, but there was no real way to argue the point. I am far too pragmatic to believe that I can consider someone my boyfriend if we had yet to meet.

As the second month evolved into the third the discussions that were held in act one reappeared. Now the statements that were made about marriage, children and futures were no longer just feelers to see if there was a something upon which we could erect our altar to Psyche . We started to realize that as different as we are (and boy are we different) the deeper pieces of our pieces we quite well matched.

Now, we just had to meet…