Laughing All The Way

Monday, June 12, 2006

Like a pig in shit

There is a strange wind blowing on the Internet: a lot of talk of politics, religion, and sexuality leading to angry rants.

I have been (gently) getting into it with another blogger. There are no flames, just views (very politely stated). It’s unusual for me, I normally stay out of it, but the “it” of this instance is fairly close to home (about 3 hours by car). We’re not actually discussing the politics of the situation, more the social constructs. I much prefer the conversation about social convention, because politics bore the hell out of me.

This whole silly 666 thing and the Biblical floodings of the Northeast may or may not have something to do with the trend. I had a great religious upbringing that included all the highlights: learning Hebrew, having a Bat Mitzvah, going to Poland and Israel. Great, I know my shit. Really I do. Okay, so maybe I know some of the stuff because of all the art course I took and those Renaissance guys really loved to use Biblical themes and all. But a lot of the stories I know are from the 10 years I spent getting all educated on why we are the chosen people.

These days my opinions are far different than the ones I use to hold so dear (I’m more of a I’m going to pray to god, any god, when I fall down a mountain), but I still have the far reaching mundania that wows and amazes in small bursts. I recently explained in great detail the myth of Lilith, she of hermaphroditic existence and redheaded stepchild to great and powerfully (blamed) Eve. My cat-like reflexes are equaled only by my pachyderm-like ability to reminiscence. That which makes me an excellent student makes me a terribly frustrating girlfriend, I remember things and then ten years later recall some stupid fact to make my point. (Bruce on the other hand is far more selective in that he recalls things he thinks may be of importance as he makes some sort of mental note like “This might be important, I should remember this.” He also answers many questions with: “I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention” Poor Bruce has no idea what he’s in for in a decade.)

Here a gay, there a gay, everywhere a gay gay. Let the gays get married, no don’t. Okay, enough. It’s going to happen, let it go. I think I might be tired of it because I live in Massachusetts. But, you there, gay person from another state, stop fucking chiming in on the debate about rights in MA, because if you want to move here and be legally wed, great, otherwise shut the fuck up and don’t talk about how you would move here except for the cost of living and the taxes. Taxes are high because we’re a bleeding liberal state that covers the cost of healthcare for people who can’t afford it and we like to fund things like education. We also are so bleeding liberal that we let the gays get married. See how that fucking works. And the cost of living, you don’t have to live in the city assholes, there are plenty of places outside of Boston that are perfectly acceptable places to live (I think they are called the suburbs, they have trees and shit) that don’t require a private loan to pay for food and utilities. Each state has the right to blah blah blah, so if you are all against the gay-love, coming to the State House of a state, in which you don’t live, to protest or hand out flowers or sing songs, thereby making me walk the long way to work, really pisses me off. And believe me when I say this: some of my best friends are gay (Hey Pussywillow! We have to plan some alone time when I go to London.) but I am tired of all the gayitude. Okay?

I know, I know, this is all very exciting, whether you believe gayness is a choice, genetic predetermination, disease, or lifestyle, but still there is really no more need for any more commentary. I don’t think anyone is all that surprised when Bush the younger is all, “Hey. I don’t want the gays to get married.” Why the sudden uprising of craziness on the Internet in response to something that we already know to be true? I mean if Baby Bush had said that he was hoping that Congress would pass a law dictating that all elementary-school aged children were to wear muzzles in public, I could understand the kind of resounding “Huh?” that would have swept across the land (except for those people who always complain about the loud children sitting next to them in restaurants and on planes. Those people would have been all: “Hell YEAH.” But I digress). Basically, I am requesting that people on the Internet stop being boring and stupid talking about boring and stupid things.

Also, I have come across some super disturbing shit on the Internet this past month. Bruce is probably tired of hearing about “WHAT I FOUND ON THE INTERNET TODAY!!!” (remember there was a bit on Sesame Street where the announcer would say something and it would be all loud and echoey like at the Monster Truck Rally, not that I’ve ever been to a Monster Truck Rally?).  The most notable thing I have found thus far, a blog that may or may not be entirely real. I was with the couple until they talked about diapering. Seems that he’s “Daddy” and his wife of sometime likes to be a baby. In a diaper. In which she defecates. Even though she has all of the physical capacity to walk herself to the bathroom. And flush. There was more, but unless you ask for it directly, I am going to refrain from presenting you with a mental image that requires bleach and copious amounts of vodka to scrub your brain clean.

The Internet, there is strangeness.

PS. Turns out I have been Some Girl for a year and ten days.

PPS. Just in case you think I am mocking or in any way derogatory regarding the diapering couple, what you do with your own time and space is your business, and trust me I’ve got my own things, I just have a hard time with excrement. That shit grosses me out (see what I did there?).