Laughing All The Way

Friday, July 22, 2005

I put my make-up on using a fun house mirror

Yesterday was a fat day. When I left the house in the morning, I thought my outfit looked good, but on the way home I caught my reflection in the window of the train and thought to myself: “how could I let myself out looking like this?”

Granted I was drunk and the windows are slightly concaved and perhaps not the best surface by which I should judge my outfit and body, but I looked so gross.

Today I have already had two people comment on how thin I look in my outfit. I am not actually thin; they were saying that I look thin for me. The first comment was followed by: “are you still hitting the gym?”

I’m going to start saving for my full body lipo. Just think about what I can do with the money I save on gym membership. I can adopt 3 of Sally Struthers’s children. I could fly to London first class. I can buy myself a 3-carat engagement ring and when people ask about my fiance I’ll show them a picture of Josh Duhamel.