Laughing All The Way

Friday, February 24, 2006

Dining by candle light

Today, as I rode home on the T, I realized that it was still light. The sun hadn’t fully set, the clouds that hovered on the edges of roof tops were tinged with pink. Turning the corner in New England means the spring time rains. Spring time rains that come from every direction. Spring time rains that decimates umbrellas and soak through multiple layers. Spring time rains that herald in the summer. It’s so close, I can feel the summer, just…there.

And there, there is where fresh beginnings lie. There is where the plan comes together. The crush from afar, to be referred to as Bruce, is still really afar. He’s suppose to call tonight, as he did last night and the night previous. He says he has a question to ask, he wanted to ask in person, but the phone will have to do as he is afar. I am a little nervous, but only because he won’t give me a hint.

Bruce did, however, suggest (strongly) that I be sober when he asked the question. Uhoh. I mean it’s not a problem and I have refrained from being less than sober, but it worries me when someone says, “I want you to be sober for this.” It usually connotes some kind of driving or the operating of heavy machinery.

Bruce and I have mutual friends. He and I met in a convoluted way that I would share but I don’t want to so. Suffice it to say the following information is both true and worrying. I have been with an army of men. Maybe not an army, but at least enough to create a well armed squad of highly trained operatives who are skilled at eating pussy. Bruce is quite possible my polar opposite. Whereas I am all hey guys what’s up wanna do a line and have a good time ooooh I love dance music did you ever get to read that book on postmodern methodologies who wants to get breakfast in an hour since we’ve been up for 36 hours anyway who has to work because there’s this party oh hey didn’t I meet you last weekend at the Harp? He is all hi.

And that’s not to say that on some super weird level he and I don’t work in a million different ways. I just don’t want to fuck him up, and I see the great potential for me to do just that. I know that he’s fragile, not mentally, but relationshipally. Softly softly is the only way this will fly and even then I worry that I will have done some irrevocable damage. I don’t want to be the girl who fucks him up because I’ve been fucked up and I just think that my personality means that I bounce back (it’s what I do). I don’t know what he would do.

Is this a sign of my evolution? I don’t really enjoy it here on the other side of the sun.

PS. This is what happens when you do a google search on the name Bruce