Woulda-shoulda-coulda
Ever woken from a dream spastically jolting your limbs, your arms thrown wide, your legs straining to stop the fall, your heart beat resonating through your body, only to find yourself safely tucked into bed? That fleeting second, as you hovered in that space between awake and asleep, you have a nebulous memory of falling into a vast abyss of nothingness. Your head drops back down, secure in the knowledge that you are fine, it was merely a dream; you are not plummeting to your death.
The precise moment before you plunge is important. That is when you are on the edge, balanced precariously between light and dark, life and death, everything and nothing. I have lived my whole adult life teetering on the edge.
My edge is the perilous sliver of potential that separates greatness and inconsequentiality. This small town girl knew what small town expectations were looming: high school, college, marriage, and children. She also knew that there was something vastly more significant waiting for her beyond the sand dunes and trees, beyond Friday night football games and drunken fumbles in the dark, beyond the paper mill and the grimy river. I boxed my belief in the idea that around every corner there was the potentially great experience that would complete my being.
I will not ever know what instilled this belief and fear, because it was also a fear of failure, but this foundation to my personality has led me on some great adventures: Archaeological digs in Albania, a Junior year abroad, a Masters degree in London, vacations to Tunisia, Texas, Israel, Poland, Corfu, and an application to the Peace Corps. I was always willing to jump into something with potential; something that was fun, exciting, risky, and sometimes dangerous. My core belief about personal potential is reflected in my eternal optimism for everyone else. I am always encouraging people to take a plunge, dive into life, see what is out there, and experience every opportunity available.
One of the greatest literary devices is to create the notion of potential. Characters, the readers believe to be real, making decisions that could affect an imaginary life, causing the reader to think: “Well, if only he had missed his train.” Science is built upon the theory that the greatest source of energy is that which is stored in the potential of a movement. So why not build a life around the potential of tomorrow? The problem with building a life based on tomorrows is forgetting to live for today.
So, I believe in potential because this belief propelled me out of where I was and took me into the world. I believe in potential because the other side of my edge is failure; failure is not an option. I believe in potential because it allows me to believe in the potential of every person, regardless of color, creed and upbringing. I believe in potential because if I did not then what has my life been about all this time?