This will never do
There was a comment left: Actually, I think he is partial to orange spray paint. Posted by Friend O’ Bruce on 03/02 at 03:27 AM…
Aaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeehh.
Friend of Bruce in my mind equates to FOB which makes me think of my cousin who several years ago, while on the porch at the beach house proclaimed: “Well, my sister is an FOB.” To which I went blink blink and she was all, “You know, Friend of Bill…Clinton.”
And as I sublimated my urge to carve my eyes out with a plastic spoon, I just numbly smiled and at an appropriate interval slowly backed away.
See the thing about my family is that they are all about the oneupmanship competition about whose child is bettersmarterstronger who has more money and a bigger house. When she was all FOB I was all, shut the fuck up.
And now, this is where I had a nightmare last night about my younger cousin reading my blog and leaving a comment. And then his mom read my blog and was all: “I know what you’ve done.” I am suppose to go to lunch with her in the next few weeks and now I am all freaked out. Of course this is not helped by the fact that this branch of the family hates my grams and calls her all kinds of things like mean (which is true but still, why they gotta bag on the old lady?). It’s okay, because my grams hates them back. She recently told me that the entire group of them are “Big Jerks” which are fightin’ words from the octogenarian.
If I weren’t in a cycle of really weird dreams I would be even more concerned, but two nights ago I dreamt that Megan Mullally and I were getting dinner and we had a big fight. We were both crying, I begged for her forgiveness, and in the end we made up. Then we died in a flood.
All of this is just a touch worrying, but not nearly as worrying as the google search for Pussy Chat “Mating Dance” that lead to my blog. That guy must have been pissed off when he ended up reading a story about Pussy Willow.
The short of the long of it is, Friend of Bruce, I’m changing your name to Jennifer. I know that’s not your real name, and there’s no real reason to call you Jennifer, I just kind of made up my mind when I read the comment that you should be Jennifer. I think because then it’s kind of like Bruce Jenner.
Haha. I rule.