Now with 90% more asides
I had a dream, no, not like him, but a cool ass dream. She was there with the two of them, so was she, as well as her, her and her. There was copious dancing on tables and drinking. By copious I mean, “dang I nearly killed myself by mainlining Patron”. But there was more. A scene, terribly tragic, where I poured a glass of water on the fucker who is not named here. I actually said in my dream that he was not worth wasting alcohol. There was more, a dance off ensued (damn you Lindsay, I so want to be like you but without all the naked crotch shots and totally embarrassing scenes), and I ended the night laughing my ass off because I won, not the dance off I don’t know how that ended, but at being…better.
I once recommended that we (not the royal we) should not revel in the downfall of others. No really, as much as we want to dance on a cloud and rejoice that we are superior, and make no mistake, we are quite secure in our assured superiority, we cannot stick out our collective tongues and mock the loser for being a loser (like I just did).
The dream was not all about the bad and in fact was more about the good. It was the equivalent of a cool blog. I suppose that the dream was influenced by the post I recently read about the topics that were covered at the last blogHer (how to get traffic, how to make money, how to write interesting posts). All I could take away from that was the intense desire to slam my head into a wall. Serious bitches.
So what if Dooce makes money off her blog (and let me say here and now: who the fuck cares? Getting fired for blogging about work should not earn you respect or consideration. Get over your shit.)?The average mommy blogging bitch isn’t going to be able to make that kind of cash that allows her husband to quit his job and work as a freelancer. And I don’t give a shit if you’re a stay at home mom, work at home mom, work at work mom or not a mom at all, if your blog is so crappy that you need to be taught how to write an interesting blog topic you need to step away from the computer and spend more time with your kids (except for those without kids, you’re free to spend time drinking).
The fact of the matter is, the conference is an excuse to leave a miserable family for two days and spend it with other people who will tolerate an in-depth description of little Tommy’s addiction to his binkie or why you believe children should be breast fed until they start college. You can drink without worrying that you need to be up early or called upon to change a dirty diaper, unless you really are interested in learning about adding code to your blog for a drop down menu. As the conference rolls into its next year (PS. BlogHer is about do-ocracy…what the fuck is a “do-ocracy?” This just sounds like the organizers are lazy and making the paying customers plan the sessions.) I can only imagine what topics will be proffered for discussion (blogging about food is an awesome topic, no really).
Lest you think I am a shrill bitch, I congratulate the various groups of bloggers who gather for a weekend away from their families and their everyday lives for a few days of drinking, shopping/sports watching, and all around general misanthropic behavior. I respect those people who take a chance on trusting words on a screen to not be crazy and take a little risk in believing that the human condition is not entirely wretched, especially when most evidence on hand speaks to the contrary.
I am just so weary of all the bad and all the crap. BlogHer posts should be banned from the Internet, see how upset they make me.