Laughing All The Way

I am not an aircraft

You know how when someone confesses a crime, they always claim: “It was an accident.”?

I didn’t mean to sleep with him, it was an accident (like you accidentally fell pussy down on an erect dick?).

I didn’t mean to stab that old lady, it was an accident (like the old bird ran in to the knife you were holding blade out?).

I didn’t mean to snort that line, it was an accident…well it really was. Okay, maybe not an accident, but there was this party…and it was so casual…and I didn’t think it was a big deal. But I didn’t tell Bruce (I tried and I know it’s so fucking passive to do this).

Bruce is away on business. He said good-bye via text message. Right.

I know that he’s a neophyte to this whole grown-up dating thing, but to send a text, knowing that we weren’t going to speak for the better part of a week, it’s just that sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have to teach certain social queues. After all this time, he still does this shit that makes me kind of wonder. And just to validate that I am not over-reacting, I check in with other people, turns out I am not expecting too much.

I’ve always been told that I expect too much, so I try to temper what I expect with what I say that I expect. I don’t want to be too overwhelming or too demanding. I get that and create a well organized system of checks and balances. I edit my internal monologue and craft my message to read softer than what I hear shouted between my ears.

Now if only I could have this conversation with Bruce without being pissy. Good thing I am being slightly passive aggressive and I know that he will read this and be all Doh!

Passive aggression: a sure way to avoid a fight.

PS. Look at all the categories that this one fits!

“I’ve always been told that I expect too much, so I try to temper what I expect with what I say that I expect. I don’t want to be too overwhelming or too demanding.”

This will do you no good if you’re truly in a huff about something internally. You should speak your mind to him, calmly but clearly. Well, I’ll moderate that - you should do whatever you think is best, but I’d rather find out from someone what they were really feeling than encourage built up resentment.

With me, the build up doesn’t exist. I don’t know if it’s part of my personality, but there never seems to be the cumulative effect of anger. I will be upset about X and that will eventually come out (it did here and he was sufficiently apologetic). Then I might get upset about Y. My ire does not compound. I remain angry about the topics individually.

Funnily enough, I am really non-confrontational. As much as my blog is about me bitching about shit, my life sees a lot less of the running commentary. In reality, I am an outgoing person who has opinions, but I just let things roll to avoid the confrontation.

I know I cannot rely on someone reading my blog to know that I was peeved about something, and I would like to not cower in the shadows, but cowering is what I do so well.

I am with you on the passive agressive stuff. Sometimes, I know G is reading the LJ and I do make comment, directed SOLELY AT HIM, because, well, it’s easier.

On the other hand…when something is REALLY irking me, I let it out. I have enough ulcers and tummy trouble without making it worse.

And goodbye via SMS is WRONG…SO SO SO SO WRONG!

(Dunno how I did it, but I can now comment! SWEET!)