Four on the floor
06/28/2006
I am feeling bad.
I can’t write (in case you haven’t noticed). Not even in my notebook to remember a phrase or idea. There’s just nothing there. If I were prone to depression I would be worried, and at the bottom of a black hole. Good thing I don’t get depressed. Right.
I am feeling crappy.
This would be the constantly inconsistent nausea. The doctor (really, nurse practitioner) ordered blood tests and wants to check my thyroid (it will be normal, my thyroid is always normal) as well as the series of bacteria that live in my stomach. She also wants to consider a different type of birth control (back off bitch, for the first time in years my uterus hasn’t tried to kick its way out of my body for the three days before my period and if you want to take my pills away you’re going to have to take them out of my cold dead hands), but I think that is a bad idea.
I am feeling low.
I seemed to have gained 4 pounds since I went to the doctor last, about 6 months ago. GAINED. The amount isn’t important, the fact that I gained is. This is an annoyance because I work out like motherfucker 3 to 4 times a week. I eat super healthy (I was teased for ordering a salad at a bar in Texas). I have cut out salt and refined sugar and most grains. For dinner last night I had a cup of rice, an ear of steamed corn, and steamed broccoli. Tonight I had a cup of rice and an avocado. I eat salad for lunch four days a week. I take fiber supplements and vitamins. HOW THE FUCK DID I GAIN WEIGHT? I have talked to health care people about this before and I am at a loss of what else I am suppose to do…I gave up juice, soda, caffeine, milk, and soy. There is not much else to give up which is why I am thinking of creating my own eating disorder.
I am frustrated.
At least if I had an eating disorder someone would pay attention when I said that something was wrong. They wouldn’t pat me on the head, and smile politely, while they say that there is nothing they can do, but let’s test my thyroid…again. I figure after this go round of tests, when they come up with nothing, again, I am going to pull the Shirley McLaine ala Terms of Endearment, when Debra Winger was all in pain and Shirley, as Aurora, goes ape shit on the nurses (“It’s past ten. My daughter is in pain. I don’t understand why she has to have this pain. All she has to do is hold out until ten, and IT’S PAST TEN! My daughter is in pain, can’t you understand that! GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT!”), except I will be all give me Orlistat (Xenical) or Valium, and probably the experience will be less yelly than Shirley. Either way I will feel better about myself.
I vote for Valium.