Some Blog

Even your emotions had an echo, In so much space

05/10/2006

Here at Laughing All the Way, I have a propensity for well-placed lyrics within the body of text. Synapse fire warms the memories of the mostly forgotten days of yore and with the pulse of a bass line I feel the time fall away.

The starting chords of certain songs create an apoplectic reaction within the depths and as I pull forward and flatten out, I remember (I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind) Oops; I did it again (see!). I have sentient bits of memory sliding in and out of my days, making me say: “Aha!” and shit. Others make me lean back and sigh while I fondly remember Sunday afternoons, cleaning my bedroom to the weekly top 40 Countdown. Cassey Cassum is the voice of my youth and instant good karma washes over my soul when I hear a throwback. 

These days, the music factor seems to be secondary layer of the dynamic, maybe because I am having a hard time sleeping. Four hours is just not enough for me to recover and greet my day bright eyed and bushy tailed and the side effect, besides me being exceptionally grumpy, sarcastic and living in a haze, is the landslide of long forgotten memories.

Todays and yesterdays are slamming into each other and every piece of remembered history is living anachronistically in a haphazard jigsaw puzzle. My thought process is illogically constructed with long forgotten mundane moments stacked in concentric rings supported by comparable social norms. The sparks of time dancing in my head, memories of sitting on the dog statue at the entrance of the park during weekend visitations with my dad and playing with Match-Box cars in the mud cities we would build after the heavy spring rains, rolling around during a meeting planning for the eventual invasion of the Avian Flu.

People plan for contingencies. Emergency backup generators and Plan B exist for when things go horribly wrong. I don’t. I can’t see through the now, even with the lessons well learned and recorded for all of posterity. Rattling around in my head are just strings of lyrics, great battles of wills, disappointment and tragedy book ended by My Little Ponies and Gem. I can’t run away to live to fight for another day, because I’ve not thought of the other days, the days to come, I’ve just thought about my imminent victory. Even with lessons of past failures, I lost the battles (here you should read: relationships, I feel like this is getting a touch esoteric) and with no direction home, like a rolling stone, I can’t change the behavior long learned and situated at my core, like the soft inner flesh of a tomato that has been left on the vine too long.

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you’re out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn’t because I didn’t know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Probably

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that’s my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you’re in control

Well, I think you’re crazy
I think you’re crazy
I think you’re crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it’s no coincidence I’ve come
And I can die when I’m done

Maybe I’m crazy
Maybe you’re crazy
Maybe we’re crazy
Probably