Check it

02/29/2008

I think Paris Hilton is a lesbian.

I’ve been thinking this for awhile and for those of you who know me and, well for those of you who don’t, I have a spot on gaydar. For the past year whenever I see pictures of her out and mostly off-guard, my gaydar is pinging. And then the more I consider things, the pinging turns into a full fledged air horn.

I mean that sex video with her dead eyes as she’s on all fours. Dude, that is someone who is totally removed from the experience. And sure, maybe she was just stupidly high, but there’s more. The pictures of her kissing her various female friends while seemingly innocuous, after all, all the kids are doing it, also remind me of a friend I had in high school. This friend would like to make out with girls and laugh it off as something she did to mess with the guys. This friend now has a myspace page talking about her great lesbian life.

I just bet that in forty years, thirty-nine years after she dies some tragic Hollywood death (what?) some tell all book will come out and people will be all: “Paris, yeah, she was a big ol’ lezzer. She liked the ladies, but hey, it was hard for her to be open and all. So she hid the truth and drank herself to death.”