All The King’s Horses and All The King’s Men
Remember when I started blog and I told funny stories about dates and stuff? Yeah, well being happily ensconced in a relationship, the funny dating stories have ended. Luckily for you, my relationship didn’t actually stop me from dating.
I thought it would be a one-time thing, you see back in September I accidentally went on a blind ménage a date. PB and I were getting together for a going away drink and live music (monster) mash. We had tried to plan this for a bit but the summer is too hectic and so the sweet sorrow parting shots took place a few weeks before I left. There was a concert of um…folkish twangity twang twang music and some other spoon-playing variety.
What was meant to be a night where PB and I drank and eased on down the line was added to with PB’s best childhood (and possible crush having) friend. We’ll call him, um, I don’t know, how about Bor. Yes, Bor, so Bor had a friend playing folkish twangity twang twang music and some other spoon-playing variety (see how this comes together) and so plans were made for we three. Three turned into four with the inclusion of the Bor’s new girlfriend, Anti-Fun. Yes, Anti-Fun was, well, no fun. She did live up to her name.
Here’s the background: Bor has a crush on PB. PB is pretty and fun and smart and all things wonderful. Historically Bor’s girlfriends have really disliked PB, mostly because PB is so wonderful, but also because Bor’s crush on PB was barely hidden. Bor finally figured out that he should be contained with all the praise he tended to lavish upon PB. Anti-Fun was not clued into the full situation, just that PB and Bor went way back in the day. In my opinion, Bor brought Anti-Fun to meet PB because he was trying to wave a banner in the air. A banner that says: “SEE, I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU. I AM HAPPY AND CONTENT AND HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP RIGHT HERE. Also we’ve been dating for two weeks and are totally head over heels in love with each other. Look, we’re in love, can’t you tell by all the public displays of affection and all the time I tell you how great she is. SHE IS GREAT AND WE ARE VERY VERY VERY HAPPY.”
Back to the story. So, PB and I gather at her house and wait for Bor et al to show. The happy couple arrived and almost immediately I keyed into the vibe (see above). I pushed aside my doubts and looked forward to my night with PB. After a brisk walk where the city mice (PB and I) walked and the country mice (Bor and Anti-Fun) slacked and moaned about how fast PB and I were walking. Country Mice need to get out of their cars more. We finally get into the place with the folkish twangity twang twang music and some other spoon-playing variety. As band one and band two went played, well you that music, PB and I observed some behavior that read: “DATE NIGHT.” You know cuddling and kissing and all that PDA stuff. As the night progressed, and here is where I explain that we were told by Bor that the band we were there to see was the third band and was going on at 10, but the band really went on at 12 so there was plenty of “hanging about in a non-specific manner,” PB and I further determined that we were indeed on a double date with a couple making us the lesbian half of a double blind experimental date, wherein the lesbian half were neither lesbian nor blind.
The interesting part really is when I was out having a cigarette, mostly taking a break from the dating couple. While I was inhaling my lovely smoky death (shut up) PB came out and told me the most shocking of stories. Apparently, the running conversation throughout the evening regarding the famous and infamous (this was around the time of Crotch-Shot Lohan) and before we left for the “music” we has a little show from the various web sites that showed Ms. Lohan’s, erm, short comings, so as the evening continued PB and I chatted about all the people we read about but had never met. Finally, while I ran for freedom in the form of cancer, Anti-Fun turned on PB. PB was told that she should be less concerned with famous and shallow people and be more concerned with real life.
Okay, okay, okay. I don’t know what the hell Anti-Fun thinks is real life, but in my world, Lindsey Lohan’s crotch shot is real life. Also, god, what a cunt. No not Lindsey, Anti-Fun. Really she was. By about this point of the evening both PB and I were ready to bail on the double date from hell. I left PB to handle the incredible duo and made tracks for home and swore that my dating days were over.
So, um, I have a date on Thursday. I am making new friends in San Francisco and Thursday, I am meeting a potential new friend found via Craig’s List. Also, I am going to meet my new potential blog fodder. Hopefully I have something to tell you on Friday.