Laughing All The Way

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Code Crazy

A patient here would like a refund for his visit. I get a lot of these requests. People do not like to believe that health care costs what it does. They also believe that we are making tons of money off the backs of the insurance companies. That’s so not what’s happening. But I’m not here to tell you about the way of the world, at least not today.

The patient, remember the patient, well he felt he deserved to have the charges on his bill reversed because the doctor he saw was unable to remove the radio transmitter device from his nasal passage. The patient felt that the doctor was getting paid too much for sitting with him for 45 minutes yet was totally unable to resolve the issue.

Luckily for this patient I wasn’t the doctor because there is no way I would have sat with him for 45 minutes discussing the variety of people who are tracking his movements via the radio transponder in his nasal cavity. I would have taken three minutes to call him crazy and then 42 minutes to do a Starbucks run.

And on that note, I have some other things I would like to share.

Quotes that came out of my mouth this past month:

“No you may not cut the back of your hair with nail clippers.”
“Stop trying to make me smell your hair.”
“I will not observe your underwear.”
“I think we broke our fish. They seem to have neurotic fear of the light.”
“Turns out the doctor was right about not jumping on the bed. How’s your head?”
“The hookers in LA have absolutely no work ethic.”
“I thought you just asked me if I thought that was a good dildo.”
“I can’t handle the truth.”