Laughing All The Way

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

An ode to Billie Jean.

Dear DQ-

We’ve been going back and forth in the comments, so I figured it was time to make it a post (seriously, epic comments are fun and all but not so much). I genuinely enjoy having people read my blog who are willing to engage in conversation and thought with me…

DQ’s point: “My point is that people that are single at the age of 39 are going to be jaded and world-weary in a way that not many people in their mid twenties are likely be able to relate to.”

SG’s counterpoint: Some people at the age of let’s say 26, not thinking of anyone specific mind you I just picked a random age, are jaded and world-wary in a way that not many people in their mid-twenties are able to relate.

DQ’s rebuttal: “You mentioned the post Sex and the city age which I think is an apt metaphor, because it seems to me that the notion of younger women dating older men is a very pre Sex and the city concept. It seems now that in the post Sex and the city era the notion of the older man dating the younger woman concept is an obsolescence.”

SG’s return: My mentioning of SATC was to refer to people of a certain age still being single and not because of “1) they’ve gone through a shitty marriage/relationship 2) they have never been interested in a relationship 3) no one has been interested in them. Any one of those options seems to point to the fact that they are going to either have baggage or be unstable.” My point was that being older and unattached is no more a sign of a lack of desire for a relationship than it is to suspect someone to be unstable.

I cannot begin to number the close friends, male and female, who have echoed the sentiments of the characters on the show. The attraction to older people does not apply only to my love life, but a majority of my friends have about 10 years on me, the few younger than that, are all approaching 30. A fair number of them are single and the outlook varies from “I’m content in my singlehood, if something came a long great, but I am not looking” to “I’m actively looking for my life partner.” The point being, the idea that they are disillusioned, uninterested, or uninteresting (that was kind of mean you know, right?) and thus single is completely inaccurate. The people I know that are single and over 30 are dynamic interesting people with hobbies, joys, friends, goals, life experiences and have lots to offer a partner. While some are not actively pursuing a relationship, it doesn’t mean they don’t want one or are burned out on coupledom. Those active on the search are not willing to settle for just anyone, they want someone who is a good match. Both groups are not disillusioned by past relationships. Sure there were some bad, but there were some good as well.

As for the idea that older men/younger women are falling out of style, I think that is wrong. What I think has happened is that while the older men/ younger women trend has remained the same, an alternate trend of older women and younger men has started. The last few episodes showed Carrie choosing between a much (much) older man (he had a grown daughter) and a regular older man while Samantha was dealing with her much younger man. I think that there is certainly an effort towards equality now when it comes to ideas about couples and age gaps; Nick Cage gets just as much crap for his child bride as Demi Moore got when she and the man-child Kutcher started dating.

DQ’s conclusion: “However this is just my perspective (and a guy’s perspective at that, so bound to be a little skewed), so please don’t take it as some kind of lecture or advice. Mainly I’m musing in a general sense. Like I said before: you know what you want, you want what you want, and there is nothing wrong with going after that.”

SG’s conclusion: Trust me, if I thought you were lecturing me I would have ended this a long time ago, Some Girl does not take lecturing well (Some Girl, however, does enjoy referring to herself in third person). Advice is what people give to each other in the interest of sharing knowledge and experience. Sure unsolicited advice can sometimes annoy (no, I am not being passive aggressive, I am not talking about you) but I find that people give advice to show they care.

You are right to say I want what I want. Just know, I understand that sometimes there is treachery lurking in my wants.