Bigger Crap
Monday, March 09, 2009
Um, I just got home, and there was some sort of carnage from Thursday night that I didn’t know till now. Also, there were some windows open on my computer. I was in the middle of some strange searches. There is a package waiting for me in the office at my complex, but I don’t think I have anything ordered and on the way. Scary. I was checking my email to see if I ordered something and got a confirmation. No confirmation, just some emails in my sent folder that are horrible. Horrible in the sense of what I say and to whom they were sent.
I’ve sent off an apology email, but really? There may be fewer people in my life if I keep behaving like this. Nothing like drug-fueled truth telling to endear me to my ex’es.
People, if I’ve called or written and I am entirely incoherent or the spelling is a mess and I talk about being on drugs, please just ignore what I said/wrote and let’s never mention this again.
And I was so looking forward to another night of restful sleep with my good friend ambien…
Crap
Friday, March 06, 2009
15 years of drugs and alcohol use and my first black-out is on Ambien.
I may have been doing laundry in my underwear. The machines are not in my apartment. You make your own conclusions from that statement
And to think, I never even thought Ambien was impressive enough to crush and snort.
Have mercy.
t-10minutes
Thursday, March 05, 2009
I have anger issues. I am seeing a therapist talktoatoo but I don’t know if she’s really figured me out. IT would help if told her the truth rather than spread yarns arfbloiut yd afamilly asndf fereions.
Also, I am a heavy user of ambien. the key board is like a grey matt og buttons clodse enpoiojgj gh to where I wamnt my girfsgers to be to make words. This ios much eashiuer to type than reasd. But my eyes are closed, so there’s that. o
I’ve been going to the guym like it counts, nbut I am sure it does not. I could run 20 miles a day and I would still be shrot and fat. how derpression.! Hey I could share that though with my theraopist. She would really apprcieate it if I told something real in our sessions.
It clearl that I am only there for the mecudatoin sd.s Once I take the drugs I have 35 minutes of uprigrthedness. I can see the imminet countdow n..
Sorry I was away and for such crrappy reasons. Will work on the writing, though that needs me to go ot and inteacrt with the poeple.. fwo fwfkw
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