Laughing All The Way

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Bane

My reticence in blogging about work ends now. And not because Amy threatened me with bodily harm and dirty limericks. For the most part work is work. Things happen, I laugh, I go about my business.

But, as I go about my business I have to speak with my coworker, heretofore: Bane. Oh yeah.

“Some Girl, normally when we do this graph we make the y-axis set from 0 to 100%”
“Oh, okay Bane, sure. 100%”

Later that month…

“So Bane I noticed that all the graphs from the last quarter that you said to use as a basis for this quarter all start at 30%.”
“Oh, yeah Some Girl, that’s right. I kind of base the y-axis on a gut feeling about what makes for a good looking graph.”

“Some Girl, please note that you seem to have some sort of hidden image behind the graphs that you did last week.”
“Oh hi Bane. That’s not a hidden image. That’s the word PAGE that excel puts on every page in the print view.”
“Oh yeaaaaaah. Great. Can you make sure it won’t print on the page?”
“It won’t. It’s on every page of every spreadsheet ever made in excel.”
“Yeah, can you just make sure?”
“Sure. Fine. Let me print this out and prove to you that the light gray word in the background of every excel spreadsheet won’t show up in the printed version.”

“Some Girl I just want to review the writing of reports from SQL. First you pick the Select, then the from, then the where. Then enter. I mean Run.”
“Okay.”
“So, let’s Select X, From Y, Where Z. Enter. I mean Run.”
Okay.”
“Okay so let’s Select X1, From Y2, Where Z3. Enter. I mean Run.”
“Okay.”
Okay so let’s Select Xa, From Yb, Where Zc. Enter. I mea…”
“I know, Run. I got it. Run, not Enter.”

On top of all this, Bane is about 5’8” and 106 pounds. Awesome. Oh yeah and she has a huge diamond engagement ring and carries a huge LV bag.