Laughing All The Way

Sunday, January 07, 2007

The Truth About Cats and Dogs

An obsession was born, accidentally of course. Ikea has thrown up in my apartment and I am the only one to blame for this. I mean, Bruce had never been to Ikea and I casually suggested that we go and explore the wonder that is Ikea. So we went and bought somethings. And then we went the next day and bought two more somethings. And then we went back again, and well you get the point. BUT, what you don’t know is the time frame. Approximately one week.

Sure Ikea is a mere 12 minute drive, but I think that something has gone terribly wrong. We were hungry. And we went to Ikea. Damn those meatballs, they just pull you in.

We are stalking a bookcase. It’s a combination of cubes in a black-brown finish. It’s been sold out every time we’ve gone in for it. And today in a fit of weird obsessive compulsive behavior we HUNG OUT AT IKEA waiting till they closed in the hope that they would restock the shelves we wanted. I suspect that we are going to be there 5 minutes before they open one day this week. Yes, we will be waiting for Ikea to open.

These shelves are just so key in the whole getting-my-stuff-out-of-boxes (STILL!) “process”. These shelves are also cheaper than the garbage can we bought for the kitchen. Yeah. That’s right, we bought a trash receptacle that cost an obscene, sick and totally wasteful amount of money. We are ashamed by this and are planning to return it. Well actually, we are not returning the can due to the utterly shocking wasteful behavior thingy but because the dang thing doesn’t fit correctly and even if it did, there are these anti-skid pads on the bottom that make it virtually impossible to remove the can from underneath the kitchen sink. We were resigned to leaving the can outside and in an effort to find a replacement (there is one that is smaller and was what we were looking for on-line) read some reviews of the thing. Turns out the whole thing is a big ol’ dud. Bags are hard to fit, there is some weird vacuum suction thing and the stainless steel that pulled me in (Ohhh shiny!) dents very easily. All this means, that the best garbage can and possibly the most expensive per liter garbage can is a bad investment, is more trouble than it’s worth and quite frankly made us feel a bit bougie (after the fact of course).

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Tanked

This morning, well, slightly before noon, I woke up and couldn’t take a full breath. I tried to find a comfortable position and found that my right side was sore, kind of like in the way when you go to the gym and over exert on the rowing machine. Of course, if you’re new here, you could be forgiven for thinking that I went to the gym and over exerted on the rowing machine. I think the most strenuous thing I did yesterday was take a bath.

I finally found my muscle relaxers, I am very allergic to all things Ibuprofen related (Advil, aleve, naproxen etc) and Tylenol doesn’t actual relieve this kind of muscle pain. So now, it feels like I am typing underwater. And my head is bobbing backward. But I can finally inhale without wincing. I’m pretty sure all of this makes sense and the spelling thing is all good, but my eyes are tracking funnily…tracking funnily? Whatever.

Tonight is the maid’s night off so I am on for dinner. Bruce may be called in to do the “watch over the stove so that nothing bursts into flames” thing. (In my head that was the most awesome air-quotes ever.)

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

status que?

The maid has finally returned from vacation. Since she’s returned from her Christmas break (and let’s be honest, we’ve been very giving to her, allowing her to see her family for the holidays) she has yet to live up to the standards we become accustomed. I think that today is the first time the living room has been vacuumed since the week before Christmas. And let’s not discuss how long it’s been since the sheets were changed or the four baskets of laundry sitting near the laundry machines just waiting for a washing. It’s a minor miracle that the kitchen is in perfect order, but I suspect that’s because a new kitchen aid mixer was under the tree and order was made to fit that behemoth on the counter.

Needless to say, if the maid didn’t sleep with Bruce that bitch would have been fired ages ago.